Hello again

So I'm not sure why blogger keeps losing my images.. Ask post images and even my banner seem to be lost..

Moving forward

I'm trying to move forward again. Been almost 6 months since my last post and things have changed drastically yet again.. But here I still am trying to take charge of this life of mine..

Are we ready?

May's Challenges

Alrighty, like I said with the last post.. Each month I'm going to lay out 3 'Challenges' for myself, coming from my 3 key areas of self-improvement: Mental, Physical, and Dietary. Yes dietary is kind of physical, but I'll do whatever I want, so there! :) They say if you do the same thing for 30 days straight it's likely to become habit.. so I figure my challenges well hopefully develop into new healthy habits by the end of each month. Now I know I wont be perfect, and honestly I can't handle the possible on-coming mental breakdown due to possible failure.. Hence why just 3 challenges a month.. baby steps. So.. Let's get it started!!

MAY CHALLENGES

Mental: 

The Challenge

I challenge myself to take all of my prescriptions 100% of time. 

I know this doesn't sound like a 'mental' one but I am on an anti-depressant as well, so it counts. I am horrible horrible horrible about taking meds regularly. I don't know why but I am.. And I was such a hypocrite to Matt because he too was horrible at remember to take ALLLLL his meds and I'd yell and yell at him for it. 

The Plan

I have daily pill caddys for both my AM and PM meds. I will keep these filled when they run out by refilling Sunday nights. 

Physical:

The Challenge

I challenge myself to take a walk every day, weather permitting. 

Nothing big, nothing major. 20 minutes, 45 minutes, whatever I can do. Just get out there and walk.. Not only will this be good for me, but Javion get's to ride his bike and the dog gets walked. Bubby needs an outlet for her energy and Javion absolutely loves riding his bike and spending time outside. I am teaching him and setting a good example as well. 

The Plan

Integrating a walk into our usual routine, in place of TV time. Typically we get home around 5, eat supper, and watch TV until 8:30. We will from now on go on a walk after supper Monday-Friday. Weekends we will try to get our walks in more in the morning times if possible. I will track these walks using a tracker on my phone and post to the best of my ability. 

Dietary:

The Challenge

I challenge myself to drink half my body weight in ounces of water, on a daily basis.

So here it is.. I've gained it all back and I'm back to 255lbs, Gosh that really sucked to type. But yes, sad but true I've regressed terribly. Getting back on topic, that means I will need to drink 128 ounces of water a day, which so happens to be exactly one gallon. By doing this I hope to make less room for pop, and of course all the other health benefits of drinking water. 

The Plan

I will measure and track all water drank. This will only count as plain water, or water infused/flavored with natural fruit. I will track my water consumption with a tracker on my phone and post to the best of my ability.

Getting back on the saddle

I keep putting you off.. putting it to the back of my mind.. Saying I'll start over again soon..

Well I've gained. And gained and gained and gained. I've gotten so disgusted with myself that I gave up on everything. All I drink is pop. I don't care what or when I eat or how much. I just don't care. Hitting rock bottom again.

The grieving process often makes no sense. It seems like the first 5 months were a heck of a lot easier after Matt passed away the the last 5 months have been. Last week I think I really just bottomed out. Every aspect of my life I felt was falling apart. Stress at home, stress at work, stress everywhere. And I imploded.. about 100x. To the point I even got pulled aside at work. I finally gave in and went to the doctor. She had put me on a low dose of Zoloft a few months ago but me, being me, slacked around in taking it, as I do all my beds, and wrote it off as not helping. Well after blowing through my entire bottle of 'emergency' PRN Xanax last week I realized I needed something more stable. So she increased the Zoloft and my PRN Xanax and even my blood pressure medication all in hopes to get me calmed down, in control, and to help combat my migraines and get me sleeping better.

So there's the mental side of things. Now.. Physical and diet. I quit WW months ago when I stopped tracking. Tracking is fun almost for the first months.. then it gets annoying.. then it gets daunting. I like the idea of it, but really right now, I need easy. I need comfortable. I need something that I don't feel anxious about trying to maintain. I really can't DIET right now. I know that sounds like an excuse, and it probably is, but mentally I'm in so many places I just can't handle another 'job'.

I've decided to start monthly 'challenges'. They say it takes 30 days to form a habit.. so each month I'm going to start a new 'habit' and start challenging myself more. I'm going to try to make 3 challenges a month, one from each of my self improvement categories: Mental, Dietary, and Physical.  May 1st is just around the corner so what a wonderful time to start! Besides my 'challenges' I am also going to try to make a very conscious effort to at the very least WATCH what I'm eating, be AWARE of how I'm treating myself, and keep MOVING as much as I can.

SO... stay tuned. Things are going to start moving and shaking again!!

Okay.. Wow.. What happened?!

Yeah.. Wow. I don't have a good answer for that. I fell off, hard. I went through a general funk there at first. Didn't want to do anything.. No diet no friends... Nothing. Then when I pushed through that it just got harder and harder to get back on the 'band wagon'. I've weighed in still for the most part.. Last week I had a gain, this week I had a loss. I haven't done any MAJOR damage - but it's still hard for me to STICK to eating right somehow! I'm not sure what changed and why all the sudden I just stopped.. But I'm getting back on 'track' with tracking. Although, I may not track tomorrow. Chinese take out for lunch and Popeyes for supper. BUT yes, getting back on track for  today!

As for the most current weigh in -

9/18/14 248.8 0.5lb loss (from last blogged weigh in) (7.6lbs total)

SO.. yeah. Not too bad. BUT getting back on track! Had my cereal for breakfast.. and going to do a workout later. Tomorrow I'm going to have a fatty breakfast.. buuut going to do a lot of walking around and have a healthy picnic with my BFF when we take our kiddos to see Thomas the Train.

Thank you for everyone who has stuck around during my time off the wagon. PLEASE stick with me and continue to cheer me on! I need the motivational help! Love you all!!

Weight in Thursday (a little late...)

     Sorry! Been really sick over here.. Started as what I thought was just allergies and it's enveloped into whatever it is I have now. I'm not a Doctor buuut, I'd guess it's an upper respiratory infection, or a sinus infection at the very least. I haven't worked out since last Wednesday (although Saturday I had a crazy round of cleaning around my house which should be counted at working out). I feel bad about it, but I've really hardly had enough energy to get up and out of bed each morning, and working out just sounds horrible.

     I've been thinking of moving my Weight Waters lapse day to Friday. See, starting a few months ago, a few girlfriends and I have started getting together nearly every Wednesday.. We call it our #WCW (woman crush Wednesday). These woman have become my lifeline! There were weeks where Wednesdays were the only day I looked forward to! I don't think these girls know just how much I needed their friendship in all this! But -- back on track here. WCW usually consists of eating, sometimes a bit of drinking, gossiping, talking, laughing, and more EATING. Everyone is very aware of my diet, and my friend Brie is also dieting, so the other 2 girls have also taken that into consideration. Last week we had DIY pizzas and my friend ensured I had all the diet cheese and healthy toppings I wanted. This week we had a loaded baked potato bar. So many carbs! But yes.. the point of this is that I think weighing in the morning after WCW is not good! Actually though, thinking about it more - Maybe that's best. Maybe I won't move my weigh in day, just so that I have something looming Wednesday night to try to keep me on track!

     But yes, moooooving on!

8/14/14  249.3  3.6lb loss (7.1lb total)

     Pretty happy yesterday! Made me feel much better seeing a slightly higher number loss there! Made me feel a litter better about all the work I'm putting into it. And knowing I'm back under 250lbs is a wonderful feeling! I'm just about back to my starting weight the last time I started Weight Watchers.. which is kind of a kick in the ass, but oh well. I'm going to get this off.. AND KEEP IT OFF!!

Change makes change

So, with all this clean eating there has been a lot of change in my house. My fridge is full of fruits and veggies and there isn't much junk food to be found. Obviously this has made a change in my son's live as well - but I never would have guess how well he'd take it. Just like with weight watchers, I've told Javion if he wants a snack he's always allowed to have a healthy snack. My crisper drawer (which is TOTALLY accessable to this 4 year old) is full of grapes, oranges, apples and carrots. And the tupperware of watermelon is within reach as well. All my son ever asks me for now is 'healthy snacks'. We're fighting over the watermelon when I get us a bowl full. He ate a bag of grapes in the span of 2 days. It's amazing! Also our fridge has that water in the door deal. and now all he drinks is water! Because he can get it himself.

Today he just warmed my heart.. as I was getting ready for work he came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was getting all my healthy snacks ready for work.. He then asked me fore baggie and he fixed himself a ziplock bag full of grapes and carrots to take the babysitter, for his healthy snack. "Mom see! Now you have YOUR healthy snack you take to work, and I have MY healthy snack I take to the babysitter!". 

It makes me feel like such a good Mom knowing I'm becoming a positive roll model for my son. I used to think all he wanted to do was munch on chips all day - but now I realize - He just wants to do what I'm doing. I could sit down and eat a family sized bag of chips in one sitting, no problem! And now we're fighting over watermelon and grapes. It feels SO GOOD to eat healthy and know that I'm doing whats best for our bodies. Looking forward to weigh in day!

Zucchini Lasanga

So, on the hunt for low carb food, aaand still have a massive amount of zucchini to get rid of. Pinterest has been amazing, and I've found many recipes that substitute pasta for zucchini! So tonight I made zucchini lasagna.. and to my AMAZEMENT it was only 3 Points+ a serving. 3!!! Insane! Now as you'll see in the recipe, there isn't much cheese. I'm really not a cheese-lover as I'm lactose intolerant.. so I don't miss it much. However you can add more, just mind, it will be more points! I had my bff over tonight and we both had one serving thinking we'd be back for more, but we were stuffed! Granted we also served it with some garlic bread that I made using light low-fat English muffins, which ended up being 4 points+ each, which was well worth it!

Now, I used a mandolin to slice my zucchini. Also the zucchini that I have are HUGE.. and I feel like the centers are way too soft and seedy - I just don't like that texture. So I scooped them out and sliced only  the hard fleshy parts. Also you'll notice I did half and half on the cheese. Really, that's all the cheese I had in the house... haha! I'm not sure if it would have been less point value to use all fat free, but it was good regardless.. and I mean.. it's 3 points! COME ON! When you make it, it doesn't seem 'wet' enough. But salting the zucchini help it to release it's water content and creates more liquid while cooking.

Zucchini Lasagna
12 Servings  3 Points+ each

 

• 1 Large Zucchini, thinly sliced
• 1lb ground turkey
• 4 Roma tomatoes, chopped
• 1 TB minced garlic
• 1/2 cup pasta sauce
• 1 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese
• 1 cup fat free mozzarella cheese
• 3 TB graded Parmesan Cheese
• 2 tsp Italian seasonings
• Salt and Pepper

Brown turkey meat in large skillet. Once browned, add tomatoes, garlic and Italian seasonings. Allow to cook until tomatoes are cooked down. Add pasta sauce and take off of heat. Lay down first layer of zucchini in a casserole dish and lightly salt and pepper. Add 1/3 of the meat/sauce mixture. Top with 1/3 of the mozzarella cheeses, and sprinkle with 1TB of Parmesan cheese. Add next layer of zucchini, and season with salt and pepper. Repeat layer. Add last layer of zucchini and repeat the process. Bake, covered with aluminum foil, at 350 for 30 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 15. Let cool a bit before cutting and serving.