Weigh in Thursday.. a lil late..

Yeah, okay. Kind of got behind there... It's Monday and I weighed in Thursday. Good news is I lost the pound I gained!! But that's about it. One pound again. For some reason it's been so hard to stay on track now! It seems like once I feel off the band wagon I just can't get on 100% like I was in the beginning. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have big numbers anymore.. Maybe it's the stress.. But either way I have got to get going again. Less than 5 weeks now to the wedding. Originally I had hoped to meet my first goal by then- to be under 200. But right now that means I'd have to lose at least 18lbs. I have 4 weigh-ins left and it doesn't seem probable.

I have decided however that I need to begin phase 2 - Working Out. I have several friends doing Insanity.. But going from ZERO fitness I don't even want to go there! I have heard about various
'couch to 5k' programs and such and just need to bite the bullet and get something started. My friend Heather has advised a Jillian Michaels DVD program as well. I know I want something that I can do at home. I have always had self image problems and I honestly can't handle being 'the fat girl at the gym' or 'the fat girl running around the block'. I know I want to start walking every night - but I am even scared to do that without people mocking me in their head. Do I honestly think that everyone is going to be staring at me walking down the street? No... Well.. Yes. I just know that as soon as I see a set of eyes on me I will want to run home and never leave again.

Anyways - Everything else in life is going alright. I have about reached my boiling point with Hyvee, but I need to stick it out even if it's just my part time job. I'm hoping to transfer to Carroll. Matt and I are still waiting to hear back from the underwriters of the home loan to know if we're moving to Jefferson for sure - but if we are they are building a Hyvee out there and it's something I could hopefully transfer to. Wedding plans are going well and we're starting to pull everything together. Mom got all the mason jars decorated this weekend and there are currently clothes lines running in my living room airing out the burlap sacks (THEY STINK!)

This weekend is my bachelorette party which has made me realize how few friends I have anymore. My friend and bridesmaid Heather is planning it, and also the only other guest besides me. My other friend/bridesmaid is unable to make it, and my Matron of Honor is in Utah. I have realized I really have made no friends out here in the 10 months I've been out here, besides of Amanda. I made very few friends out in Emmetsburg either, and I was there for 2 years. Even the 3 years I spent out in Utah left me with just a couple of friends that I am still in contact with. I am just not a social person.. I know that my self consciousness plays a lot into that. I just really don't know how an adult is supposed to go out and make friends! It's not as easy as high school.. Not that I had many friend then either!